If You Don't Like It....

So lately, I've been involved in romantic relationships. Some of you may be thinking, "You're living out of your car, shouldn't you be focusing on other things?" Probably. But such is the human condition, and apparently my needs are being met well enough that I feel like I can be doing what I'm doing (job hunting, school, shows, etc.) and also be working on a romantic relationship. My choice. If you don't like it, well, it's not your life, so you can take your opinion and shove it.

Last night, I went out to dinner with a friend. Now, I wouldn't say we're particularly close, but we check in on each other regularly and see each other every few months. However, every time I go out with this friend (and sometimes even when we're checking in on each other), he comments, fairly continuously, on the guy I'm dating at the moment. And by comment, I mean makes fun of. He *never* has anything nice to say. He even made fun of my ex when we were together, even though my ex was supporting us and we lived a comfortable lifestyle. We weren't rich by any means, and sometimes we were barely scraping by, but he made enough money so I didn't have to work and could focus on school and my dreams.

Come to think of it, my friend made fun of my ex last night too.

And, frankly, I'm sick of it.

I've had other people give me this talk before about how I should be dating guys who are more successful (i.e.: financially stable, own their own house, have a college degree, etc., etc. ), and the end statement is always, "I just think you could do better."

I'm sorry, but who are *you* to tell me what "better" is????

Granted, I did say in this conversation that I'm not financially stable or anywhere near what is considered "successful" in general society, so why would a "successful" guy want to be with me? Although I think there is a double standard set up where it's ok for women to be less "successful" than a man, but that's another argument for another day. So, on some level, it's entirely possible that *I* don't think I'm good enough for a successful man. And I've said on numerous occasions that I probably won't find "The One" until I feel like an adult (although I'm not entirely sure I'll ever feel like an adult either).

But, really, what I think the problem is, is that people want to project their beliefs of "success" onto me.

For me, a "successful" man is not necessarily one I want to be in a relationship with. The man I want to be in a relationship with is one who treats me well, is emotionally open, self-aware, strives to be a better person, compassionate, loving, caring, and, ultimately, loves me for me - despite my issues and due to the fact that I march to the beat of a different drummer.

I don't care if he doesn't have a car or a college degree or if he's living with his parents or doesn't make a lot of money. These things are purely temporary. It's not like these situations are forever.

Now, it's one thing if this is his situation and he's ok with it and not doing anything to change it because, yes, eventually, I would like someone who can help support a household, but even for that, a college degree, car, etc. are not necessary. But as long as he's striving to make things better, who the hell cares what the situation is now??

I obviously don't.

And it's not like you're the one dating him, so why do you feel the need to push your idea of what is good for me onto me?

*I* know what is good for me. *I* know what I want. Not you.

NOT. YOU.

It may not fit into your belief system, but it obviously fits into mine, otherwise I wouldn't be doing it.

If you really feel the need to get your opinion out there, that's fine. I don't mind hearing it. In fact, I value it and take it into consideration. But say it once and then let it be.

When you go on and on non-stop about it and also try and analyze *my* family dynamic/situation to see if I'm repeating patterns, it's not only rude, it's also insulting, demeaning, and downright disrespectful.

On top of that, regardless of whether or not my parents lived with their parents or not, how about you get out of your little American box and look at other cultures for a sec? Just because my grandmother lived with us my whole life does not mean I'm repeating a pattern, nor does it mean my parents were unsuccessful or whatever other judgmental adjective you feel you're justified to throw their way. It just means it was a different lifestyle. In many other cultures people live with their parents - or more like their parents live with them, but that's tit for tat. In fact, in some cultures, you're scorned if you don't take your parents in.

Bottom line:

If you want to express your opinion, feel free. But don't harp on me that I'm not doing what you think I should do. I know well enough what I want and what I need. And don't sit there judging other people's situations. Because you don't know.

What's good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander. And just because I don't fit in your little box does not give you the right to disrespect me and my choices.