My Story

Since some of you don't know it...

I've been performing since I was a little girl. It all started with performing Disney movies in the pool with my mother and older brother. The first play I was in was an elementary school version of Cinderella. I played a bird. lol

I continued performing throughout middle school and high school, with school and community productions. In fact, my first community theatre performance was The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe in which I played The Eagle. (Are you sensing a pattern here? lol) My love of theatre continued to the point where I decided I wanted to do it as a career and decided I would major in Acting in college.

I was accepted to the Theatre program at University of Southern California, however, moving from a small rural town in the Midwest to a humungo city on the West coast, I freaked out. I was used to being a fairly well sized fish in a small pond, and I was also lacking the emotional support and self confidence needed to make it in this industry. And I had tons of excuses about why I shouldn't do it. Everything from what my parents were telling me ("This isn't a real career. You need luck and connections to make it.") to the fact I wanted to help people and felt I wasn't doing enough for society by becoming "just an actress". So I changed my major and went on the fabulous journey of "finding myself."

That journey was amazing. I traveled a few places, earned a couple degrees, held a couple of leadership positions, and learned a lot about life and about myself. But like most journeys centered around finding yourself, I ended up right back where I began. My passion for acting could not be squelched any longer. No matter what sorts of excuses I came up with. I was on my way to getting a Psy.D. in Clinical Psychology, and I was miserable. To the point where my fellow classmates kept asking why I was still there. So I quit. And I spent a good 6 months sitting on my butt and knitting. Until one of my ex-colleagues asked me if I knew about the local community theatre. She was planning on auditioning.

At the time of her audition, I didn't feel ready, but I looked into it and started preparing for their next round of auditions. Lo and behold, I was cast! I also enrolled in some acting classes at the local community college. These two things were probably the best decisions of my life to date. I learned so much at the college and through the local theatre. I learned how hard I had to work at my craft if I wanted to make it, and I learned how rewarding all this hard work could be, not just for myself, but also for the audience. My perspective changed on all of those negative messages I received and fabricated about acting in my younger years, and I found immense joy in the art. More joy, in fact, than I had ever experienced, even when I was acting on a regular basis while in high school.

Fast forward to the last year or so. After 1.5 years at the community college, I lost my funding, and had to decide between a full time job and giving up what I loved, or figuring something else out. I had already given up what I loved once, and I was not about to do it again. I felt so damned close to realizing my dreams, that I couldn't let it go. I had enough saved up to pay my bills or pay the rent, but not both. So I decided to live out of my car and pay my bills, and continue to go to school. And I'm glad I did. I learned...well, I learned how frustrating being homeless can be and how frustrating it can be when people don't understand passion and why you made certain choices. LOL But most of all, I learned how strong I can be (despite being frustrated a lot) and how lucky I am to have the friends and support that I do. I never once had to sleep in my car through the grace of God and of my wonderful, wonderful friends. I am truly blessed. But the most important thing I think I learned is that I can make anything happen if I put enough effort and energy into it.

During this time of living in my car, I was nominated for an Irene Ryan Scholarship (a big deal in the college acting world), I was accepted to the Pacific Conservatory of the Performing Arts(PCPA), I continued acting with the local theatre, and I did things I never thought I could or would do. And I'm a much stronger person because of it.

Now, I'm on the cusp of leaving for PCPA, and some not so great things have happened. The lady I was supposed to be renting a room from recently found out her son has lymphoma, and can no longer rent a room to me because her son is moving back in and she has to take care of him. This situation sucks for both of us, as I have no affordable place to live, and her son's life hangs in the balance. But I am not selfish enough to say that my situation is worse than hers because it's not. I wish the best for her and her son and send my prayers her way for her son's speedy remission.

However, this also puts me into a bind because I don't know how I will be able to pay for housing anymore. All of the places sent to me are double what she was going to charge me. I have called around to see if anyone else is willing to lower their rent, but so far, the response has been negative. I'm still waiting to hear from a few people, and I am hopeful. :)

I am considering continuing to live out of my car if need be until some scholarship money comes in, or until I can find a place to live at a price where I would feel comfortable taking out a tiny loan. (I already have a ton of student loan debt from my previous education, so I am hesitant to take out more.) And it's not like I've just been sitting on my butt waiting for something good to come my way. I have been working two jobs all summer to earn as much as I can to help pay for PCPA. I have applied to over $30,000 worth of scholarships and continue to apply for more.

And now, I have created this website, in the hopes that people will understand what I'm going through and how hard I am working to make my dreams a realization. I'm not looking for handouts, but for hope and love for a girl who has gumption and guts and a never ending drive to make her dreams come true.

And $1 or $2 would be nice too. ;)