I Hurt

I hurt today. I'm not sure why. It's probably stress. Which reminds me, I need to take my shot.

I've been feeling better/more hopeful about things lately. I'm not sure what the change is. I think some of it is that I have things to look forward to (PCPA). Even if it doesn't work out, it's enough to keep me going for right now.

I also have a job. So having the extra income will help, especially since I have bills to pay.

But I have realized I need things to look forward to. If I just have everyday life, I become depressed and disillusioned. This obviously means life will be harder for me in the long run, considering that even when I start working on becoming a professional actress, it'll be the same thing day in, day out. Maybe it'll be different because I'll be able to hope I get a job from whatever audition I'll be going to, but that might even be draining eventually.

I'm a big picture girl, so for me to have something new on the table means I get to dream about what could happen and the million different ways things could play out. This keeps me happy.

But I know it is not realistic to have something new on the table every day...and maybe not even every year.

I know I am not the only one like this. So what do those people do?

Do we consistently live life in a state of sadness when we don't have anything new and exciting happening in our lives? Or are there some of us out there like this who have learned to accept that life isn't always going to be new and exciting and it may be boring from time to time? And if so, how the heck did you get there????